When I first started my blog, I was adamant on keeping it a secret. To a degree, Fung Shui is still operating behind closed doors – I haven’t shared my blog on my personal social media accounts, and have only shared it with my friends and family. A lot of it has to do with a fear of exposing oneself to criticism and judgment, and some of it has to deal with a desire to see if I can build my blog out of nothing.
In this blog post, I want to focus on the judgment. I’m always open to criticism, and will always welcome it. But the judgment is something I’ve had to face with tough (or thin, depending on how you view me) skin. A lot of the judgment I’ve experienced in my life deals with my cultural heritage and ethnicity, but that is a blog post for another time. In this blog post, I want to focus on the judgment that I’ve experienced as a brand new blogger who has just begun to dip their toes in the water.
I think a lot of bloggers can relate to the snide looks one gives you when you mention your interest in blogging. It’s a trying-to-be-polite look that culminates into a mixture of condescension and an oh-that’s-cute attitude. This look is shitty.
Here’s the rundown. I know my blog is minuscule, I know it’s unlikely I can live based off of my blog’s profits, and I know that nearly every other person you ask has entertained the idea of starting a blog. These are likely the thoughts that run through most people’s minds when I begin talking about my blog, and that’s okay. I understand these thoughts, and I also understand that a lot of individuals think that this is a “phase”, as if I’m going through some sort of stylistic life choice that will disappear within a couple months.
Fung Shui has been cathartic, stressful, frustrating, fun, and all kinds of emotions rolled into one. The times that I love working on my blog the most are when I’m writing for my personal enjoyment. In a way, I like to think that if I didn’t feel this judgment from others I would be happier with my blog and its current less-than-popular status.
It’s this stunningly obvious judgment from others that darkens the enjoyment I feel from this small adventure. Those periods of silence which are so, so telling, the phrases that are worded like compliments but sound like insults, the slight eye roll they may or may not do on purpose. Of course, we’ve all experienced these moments from others, and we don’t even realize when we do it ourselves. Yet, these moments are still the major touch points of demotivation and frustration that surround my blog.
How can I prove others that they’re wrong? How can I prove that I actually enjoy blogging, and that it’s not something I enjoy being laughed at? Do people understand that while to make fun of my blog when in jest is fine, but sincerely mocking my desire to just write is alienating?
This is a large part of why I haven’t shared my blog yet. Of course, I can’t let the judgment hinder me much longer, and to be honest, I never should have. And, obviously, the questions I’ve listed above are wrong. Why should I care what others think? Why do I want to focus so much on them, when this blog is me.
This blog post is beginning to sound a bit preachy and cliche, but I think cliches are important (to an extent). This blog is a way to exercise my creative skills, to flex those writing muscles I hardly ever do (because I’m a procrastinator, and really, really need deadlines). As long as I’m still finding ways to be creative, I’m happy with adding some more Fung Shui into my life.